im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
