Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
