I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
