Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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