His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
