I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused