there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
