Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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