somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
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The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
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I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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