We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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