Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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