We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
