This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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