You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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