No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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