i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
