i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
