im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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