yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
