My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
