he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
