I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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