Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
