Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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