The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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