He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
