my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
