Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
