She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
