You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
