is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
