I can text with my tongue
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
