This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
