Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
