Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
