If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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