You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
