I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
