I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
