sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
