do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
