You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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