Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
