So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
