So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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