I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
