Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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