look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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