I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
