Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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