I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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