so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When did angry sex become our thing?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
