why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
