You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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