T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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