I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
