I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
