I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
