No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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