she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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