all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
