i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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