Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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