Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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