I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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