ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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