Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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