Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
