Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
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i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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