Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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