I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
