Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
