just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
