apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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