i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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